by meredith murphy
This morning I ended up in a spontaneous rampage of appreciation. It started with my socks. I have these awesome new socks which I ordered online from the Gap. I ordered them to increase the price of my order so I would be eligible for free shipping--they were an add on, not my intended purchase, but why pay for shipping when I could pay for socks and get free shipping? So I added them.
Amazingly, these socks were the best part of the order. Isn't that just like life? They're thick cotton and feel like they were hand-knit--the loops of cotton are larger and looser the most of my other socks. And this morning I was curling my toes in them while writing on the couch and drinking my coffee and suddenly I realized how amazing my life is! My socks woke me up! See how easy it is to wake up? Amazing.
I was loving my socks, the view from my couch, the way I woke up this morning totally excited about trying the new raspberries I got yesterday in my oatmeal. This led to celebrating how much I've grown in learning to take care of myself in life. How much wiser I've become about sensing what will be too loud, out of alignment with me and in general avoiding negativity and energy drains.
This glorious spaciousness now had momentum. I started thinking about all the great things that had happened in my life during February--from meeting my first boyfriend to my first syndicated article being published.
Suddenly in the middle of all this a huge insight came forth: I saw that the relationship I had mysteriously vibrated right out of lately was with a person I'd not noticed had fallen deeply into the pattern of cynicism--the ultimate disease of negativity.
Wow. This certainly explained why I felt finished with this particular friendship. Negativity is not a party I choose to attend.
But HOW had I missed this before? This friend of mine, is not someone you would perhaps recognize as cynical--or I didn't. This realization just popped up spontaneously--the way all insight does--as a gift while I was feeling good and awake; this time in an extended pleasure fest led by my socks.
My eyes opened wise as I saw the subtlety of this insight and realized the energy pattens that my friend had been over time creating, amplifying and at this point flowing in abundance.
I saw how the choice to just persevere, and stick with incredibly difficult times because one will ultimately be rewarded abundantly is a misguided. In effect, really a misconception, or mis-interpretation of life. The belief that things manifest as a REWARD for persevering through difficulty, is an enormously incorrect understanding of the fundamental nature of energy and reality and is, in effect, cynical. And I saw that my friend was radiating this energy in a big way.
Creation we keep hearing, flows from love. We are Love. We are inherently deserving. We only need to line up our energy and expect and enjoy our creations coming forth. There is no need for suffering or hard work--these are misunderstandings which linger from a world view that's framed by limitation and duality.
I realized from the ledge of magnificence, that unworthiness, or believing we have to DO things and that we'll be rewarded for that--is a form of negativity. It's cynical. It says, "I don't believe I can get what I want without giving first."
It permeates our perspective and flows into more limiting ideas and behavior like, "I can't possible be happy with any other form of the essence of my desire coming to me--it has to come in THIS way."
As a result of this misunderstanding, when the Universe delivers disappointment upon disappointment in our experience, and we OUGHT to wake up--we don't. We miss the new perspective being offered.
Abraham tell us, "Failure is meant to feel bad--because we're meant to succeed." Failure is to get our attention and attune us to what we're creating--it's not to be continually ignored and endured, saying, "No matter how much it's not working, I will stay the course because that makes me deserving and I know then life will give me what I want."
There's something very cynical about believing our good only comes through us giving and giving and giving and suffering and suffering and suffering...and this energy feels, well, so ick!
And it has momentum, this point of view--like all things we pay attention to over and over. It vibrates us lower and lower and then how when this is happening can we be a vibrational match to abundance?
Do we really believe we are SO unworthy that we have to pay our dues in some way before we can just enjoy something?
Or like getting socks + free shipping, is it possible to make choices that entirely open us up to receiving? Free and clear?
Living this way--believing suffering brings rewards, entirely convinced that the reward IS COMING--creates a vibration of entitlement which is not the same as the healthy energy of self-confidence and innate abundance. It is about believing that you'll be rescued from outside of you or made secure or whole by things outside of you. It is a concept that only works in duality where we believe that we're separate and fundamentally unworthy. With this belief in place, perfectly capable people continue to struggle instead of making different choices. The cynicism naturally fuels other deep nagging fears, like..."if others are perfectly capable and don't need me to struggle or suffer or do this for them, then where do I fit in? WHERE is my value?"
This is the clue to the root of cynicism. It denies our inherent already wonderfulness.
How many of us at times in life have done the same? Tried to prove our value through being needed. Tried to ease our deepest fears by establishing profoundly co-dependent relationships, thereby ensuring we keep fears of abandonment, our feelings of inadequacy and the faith required to trust others at a distance? Creating a false sense of security. For as soon as those we are in relationships with claim their own power, what do we have if this is what we think makes us useful? Lovable? Connected?
This is fundamentally at odds with the nature of the Universe and as a result of maintaining this posture, stubbornly, for several years, and increasingly choosing to only share with those who will buy into this perspective--even paying a psychic to continually tell them--YES! You'll get it all!--I watched this powerful friend of mine, move increasingly into a vibration of underlying fear and further and further from manifesting their dreams and visions.
This was reflected in the outer world, by endless disappointments as this huge financial deal fell through time after time after time.
I watched someone for whom integrity is a fundamental ideal, overlook being lied to and deceived, by a business partner. Having this same business partner break their word over and over and over again and never realizing the information in this. The clue that something was fundamentally out of sync, the wake-up call to an easier route--all of these repeated reflections of frequency and underlying beliefs, doorways to ease and joy NOW, have been ignored. Somehow in all this, the knowledge that suffering was optional got lost and the underlying cynicism took the reins.
My gratitude for my socks grew. How lucky am I that such simple things open the door to happiness? That I've become so easy to please. That I've allowed myself to have joy and happiness right now. Without doing a thing.
I realized that we all sit on this beautiful ledge of magnificence in life.
From there we can see expansively and merge with spaciousness. We can experience the deepest joy possible and realize the glory of everything! Just by feeling our socks!
Or, we can limit ourselves and continue to energize the experience of unworthiness. Instead choosing to occupy our life from a distracted perspective; a belief that we need to be doing something to earn or deserve things. And while we're distracting ourselves trying to prove to the world our worthiness, we miss it! And it's right there--the love, the view, the aliveness and the amazing JOY that is flowing to us right now. The easiness of letting all of life and all we desire come to us, free and clear. Without doing a thing.